Day Dates

Every once in while the mister and I go on lunch dates, don't tell anyone.  We both work in the same neighborhood, and even so, it can be impossible to find a day that works, but sometimes we do, and I highly recommend it.  Especially if you have a little baby at home.  Especially then.  It really only takes 45 minutes and it is so nice to spend some alone time in the middle of the day catching up on things, quite romantic.  I find that I am much more relaxed when I return to work and am generally much more productive for the rest of the day.  For me, day dates only work on a day that does not contain any stressful afternoon meetings.  Days with stressful morning meetings though are perfect.  This week we went to a cute restaurant called Taka Taka.  They have sushi that comes around on a little conveyor belt and also tacos - how amazing.  They also had a killer cocktail list (margaritas and sushi, why not?,) but we didn't partake what with an afternoon of work on the horizon.  I think we are so lucky to work just a few blocks away from each other, so hopefully we can make it at least a monthly tradition, if not weekly!
xo,
C

Bufala Negra

The mister loves whiskey (or scotch, or whatever it's called, who knows the difference,) so for Father's Day I decided to make him a special whiskey cocktail.  The mister loves a good whiskey cocktail and they don't always have them on cocktail lists at run-of-the-mill restaurants and bars.  Since the mister is a well-known whiskey (or scotch) drinker, he is always getting fancy bottles as gifts.  We have a lot of whiskey (or scotch, or bourbon, HA, what's that?) up in this apartment and I can't stand to watch him mix it with the gross-ass diet coke he makes with his soda stream for one second longer.  I decided on the Bufala Negra because, well, frankly, it didn't require another trip to the liquor store, yet required enough effort to still show the love.  It was actually pretty simple to make, yet special, and involved a shaker.  All you have to do is muddle some basil leaves with vinegar and simple syrup (a mix of sugar and water) and then mix in some scotch and ginger ale.  I don't know if it tastes good because all whiskey tastes bad in an extremely overpowering, metallic way to me, but the mister sure seemed to like it and requested an encore last night.  It was very Mad Men-esque, what with me making him a cocktail after a hard day at the office.  Of course, the difference being that by hard day at the office, I am referring to MY hard day at the office and not his, but bygones, tis the modern world.
xo,
C

Father's Day

tell me that little baby doesn't look like Charlie!

Hi Cuties,
Hope everyone had a lovely Father's Day.  Charlie and I did our best to make it a special one for the mister.  We went to brunch in the neighborhood, sat out in the park, and then I made dinner.  Things started to derail a little bit at that point.  Charlie has been pretty fussy at night lately.  He hasn't been feeling well and he misses his swaddle, etc. etc., so long story short, he prefers being held to sleeping, which is making us both pretty tired during the day. By 5PM, right around when I should have started my master-chef meal, Charlie and I were fast asleep.  After nap time, I managed to get my second wind (by pretending to be on Top Chef but of course, master of the "slow fire"), and the mister and I enjoyed a Father's Day meal around 10PM.  
I am really hoping that Erik enjoyed his day because he is a great daddy, just as I always knew he would be, and Charlie loves him so much.  His little eyes light up whenever he hears daddy's voice and he frantically looks all around until he sees Erik at which point his face breaks into a huge grin.  I'd be jealous if it weren't so darn precious.  Nothing makes me happier than seeing these two guys together!
xo,
C


P.S. I was pretty pleased with obnoxiously proud of myself for the Father's Day gifts I got Erik (shirt with matching onesie and chocolate) but I somehow didn't manage to send my own dad a gift.  Sorry, dad!!!  I did find a perfect card for my dad after I had already sent him one.  I bought it anyway and went to put it away for next year only to discover I had done the same thing last year.  I'm not sure what that says about me but I'm pretty sure it's not good.

Baby Passport

look at this mug shot.

We had to get little Charlie a passport this week.  We are taking a trip to St. Kitt's in less than two months.  Anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm big into the family vacations.  Well, this year my dad took it upon himself to assume that we wouldn't be attending, what with a new baby and all.  Guess again, dad.  Hells no, we're going! (Said a nine months pregnant and feeling left out me.) So now, we're going! And I'm excited. And scared.  I'm really, really scared.  Step one of "operation baby vacation" was to get a passport for little mr. charlie. Hopefully the remaining steps are easier because baby passport was not fun.  Both parents need to be present to get a baby passport, I guess to prevent baby snatching, so both the mister and I had to take the morning off of work (passport acceptance facilities, aka post offices, of course, only take appointments from 10 to 3.)  I won't bore you with the terrible, mundane details of the scramble to prepare all the proper documentation and get out of the house, but suffice to say by the time we made it to the post office, we were sweating, all three of us, some more substantially than others.  Despite the fact that I double checked, this particular passport acceptance facility did not take passport photos because the guy who knew how to work the camera WASN'T THERE so we had to walk a mile to the nearest Walgreens where, thank god, it wasn't too terrible to get Charlie to wake up and look at the camera without any trace of parent in the photo (hmm, but can you spot daddy's thumb?)  Guys, I am nervous about this vacation. These are the things I am worried about:


- We haven't exactly been traveling light lately.  This must change for a vacation involving air travel.  Must change.
- So about that plane.  Ugh, scared of total baby meltdown.
- And, um, little baby sunburn. It's concerning.
- Car seat situation.  Must figure out.


That's all.  Now that I listed it out, I feel a little better.  I mean, it's only four things.  Plus, this is what St. Kitt's looks like.

xo,
C

Super Mom - Part Two

I know my last post was a bit of a downer, but you'll be pleased to know this week is going slightly better.  Poor baby has a cold but we are surviving and mentally coping much better than the first time around.  House is kind of a huge disaster area, but one can't do everything, can one?  Hmm, or technically two but who's counting.  I did have this moment of super momdom on Saturday night.  I had to work from home on Saturday, and we went out for a quick dinner.  This picture shows me being an awesome multi-tasker because I am a) at dinner. at a restaurant.  holding my baby on my lap like it is NO BIG DEAL.  b) answering emails on my phone because I am that important and a VERY BIG DEAL.  Plus, the baby's smiling, so how cool am I?  Right? Right?  Now even though I am majorly jinxing myself and even though my little juggling act hasn't thus far been quite that inspiring, nobody can take this picture away from me.  Hooray.
xo,
C

About that Last Post

So about that last post where I was more or less implying without coming right out and saying it that I had some sort of supermom thing happening, it's not happening.  It's so not happening.  Not this week.

Full Days

Charlie is (sporadically) so happy in the morning and it is the best thing ever to wake up to even at 5AM. 

The mister and I managed a date night (thanks to miss lyss) and stumbled upon the strongest margaritas in the neighborhood.  Which led us to daringly order an appetizer at dinner involving bone marrow. Ew.

Happy in the morning.

We spent some time with Erik's family this weekend and tried to get some cute cousin shots.  You can see the results.

With all the time we've spent in the car lately, I've been relegated to the back with Charlie.  Cute but I kind of miss the front!

I've been giving Charlie a bit more diaper time lately to let that little belly breathe.

Please look at this cute bottle/nuk drying rack from Boon that the mister ordered online.  It's cute, right?

So, what's going on around here?  Well, nothing crazy, but, a lot?  I am back at work full swing and it is such a weird combination of a lot to get re-used to and feeling like I never left.  Things are super crazy and busy at work, as is the norm, and combine that with me trying to pump twice a day (not fun) and pick Charlie up from daycare, and it is making me feel a little stretched.  Honestly, I haven't been very successful at picking up Charlie from daycare so far and luckily the mister has been able to step in and get him most nights.  It does feel like a minute to minute attempt to prioritize throughout the day.  And to be honest, while it is overwhelming, I don't hate it.  Life kind of feels delightfully full, and so far, I'm liking it.  Yes, I'm dealing with all the crazy emotions I knew I'd be dealing with and there have definitely been more than a few moments of guilt already.  But I'm not reinventing the wheel here.  I'm certainly not the first working mom to hit the advertising world but yet there aren't too many working moms at my agency which allows me the luxury of feeling like one of those harried doing it all career woman moms from the movies (I'm thinking like some sort of recent Sarah Jessica Parker movie).  There are not even close to enough hours in the day to get everything done but there is also a lot less time to spend thinking and worrying about it, which has been pretty refreshing so far.  Anyway, it's really early days so I should shut up now, but it's not all bad, kids, it's not all bad.  
xo,
C

Weekend Wanderings

Iced coffee is my new thing.  The mister got me some and a cookie for us to share from the bakery down the street that we frequent.    Something was always a little "off" with the baked goods we brought home and then I finally realized everything there is vegan.

my little monster.

Charlie was so good on his car trips (as long as I sat in the back with him.)

look how big this kid is getting.

Charlie has quite the little patch of hair going on the back of his head.

Lyss hanging on the porch.

We finally bought Charlie some baby sunglasses at Target, and he LOVES them (well, at least, he doesn't not love them.)

We took a little trip back to PA this weekend for my stepsister's graduation party.  Charlie was quite the hit!  He finally got to meet most of his extended family and he was so well behaved and comfortable being passed around.  Incidentally, my aunts and uncles told me that I did NOT like being passed around and that as soon as I was handed off to someone, my eyes got very big and immediately scanned the room for mommy and daddy. This didn't really surprise me, but I'm glad that Charlie is already more comfortable around people than I am.  
Everyone was so excited to meet Charlie - it really was the best feeling.  My aunt even brought me a lamp that my mom had gifted to my cousin 15 years ago.  We hand't bought a lamp for the nursery yet and I can't even tell you how much it means to have something in there that my mom picked out.  
After celebrating the graduation on a rainy Sunday, today we went out to lunch to celebrate my dad's retirement. So many exciting changes in this here little family of ours.
xo,
C

Musings on Breastfeeding

So I've been wanting to share my thoughts on breastfeeding and I think the time has come.  Now I know what you're thinking,  "C, whyyy? This blog has gotten sort of TMI lately and breastfeeding is all you ever talk about anymore and who caaress?  Also, is Alyssa ever going to post anything again?  Her life seems like it might be a little bit more exciting than yours."  Well, calm down people, and get over it, because the fact of the matter is, as a new mom I happen to have a lot of opinions about this that I need to get out and obviously with all the uproar around that Time cover, I'm not the only one.  So let me just get this out and then I promise to give it a rest and maybe I'll even write something non-baby related for a change.


I'd like to share my experience, my "journey" if you will.  It's just one mom's journey and it's not over yet, but I need to get it out.  
Breastfeeding is hard.  
Maybe not for everyone, but for me it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's not getting any easier. And the reason I talk about it all the time, is because it is ALL CONSUMING, basically a full time job that I am kind of sucking at.   When I first found out I was pregnant, I didn't really have strong feelings about breastfeeding one way or the other, and most of what I did know was rather, shall we say, "me centered."  Breastfeeding helps you lose massive amounts of baby weight: positive (and PS, not happening).  You can't drink while breastfeeding:  negative.  All I knew from my own mother's experience is what my dad was able to tell me.  She tried and it didn't work out so we were all formula fed.  My ignorance on the subject, of course, changed very quickly because as soon as you start dipping into pregnancy research, advice about breastfeeding becomes rampant.  The most basic of pregnancy literature will all tell you the same thing.  It's best for the baby, much much better than formula, with useful antibodies that your baby needs.  And it makes sense, breastmilk is made by your body specifically for your baby.  My doctor strongly advocated for breastfeeding.  Posters around the office encouraged it and Beth Israel, my hospital, was a "breastfeeding hospital" so all the nurses were trained in lactation consultation and were very prepared to help you (aka shove your nipple in the baby's mouth with a much greater force than a tentative new mom could ever adequately muster).  I know that people say that our country makes it so hard for new moms, and I do feel that way to an extent.  There are a whole new crop of challenges that have come up with my return to work.  Business trips are already in the books and pumping times need to be scheduled ahead.  But the biggest challenge for me has been my own body.  Why has it been so hard to fulfill this basic need of my baby that is supposed to be natural and instinctive?    I've never tried so hard at anything and with such moderate success (except maybe softball, but that's a whole different post, haha).  I knew it would be hard.  I was forewarned and it helped to know and mentally prepare ahead of time.  I figured I just needed to power through.  All the pain, all the feelings of inadequacy - I was prepared for them and knew I just needed to make it over the hump.  The only ones who will tell you you don't have to breastfeed are other mothers who have failed at breastfeeding and the pregnancy literature makes it very clear that you should ignore that kind of advice and just give breastfeeding "a few more weeks".  I knew the routine to not becoming one of those failed mothers.  Put the baby to your breast right away.  If you don't start feeding from the very second your baby is born, you are already off course.  Don't stop feeding.  Fight through the pain.  Pump if you have to.  But whatever you do, don't give up and succumb to evil formula.  Your baby will thank you for it.  After all, breastfeeding not only gives your baby useful antibodies, but it builds a bond and foundation of trust between you and your child that will last a lifetime, right?  I'm not so sure.  That is a lot of pressure for any new mom, who just gave birth and now is the only source of sustenance for this tiny little life in her hands.  In many ways breastfeeding has defined my experience as a mother, and when it's not going well, that's kind of hard.


And it wasn't going well, not at all, right from the start.  Every two hours Charlie and I struggled and cried together to try to make it work, to get that latch that we both so desperately wanted.  Erik would entertain our guests as the baby and I struggled through feedings together in the nursery every hour.  My nipples bled and stung and I knew from my books that we weren't getting it because it's not supposed to hurt, but all I could do was keep trying. A week in I went to a lactation group where I saw my own desperation staring back at me on the faces of five other tearful new moms, all with the war wounds to prove it.  Still, we must not give up urged the lactation consultant as she held her rather large child to her chest to show us how it was done.  If, worst case scenario, we had already screwed up our milk supply beyond repair, we should look online for black market breast milk to feed our babies.  All modesty was long lost as we in turn demonstrated our lack of breastfeeding talent for the group.  Why wasn't it easier?  Charlie seemed as lost as I was but also STARVING, crying and frantically rooting around for my breast but once faced with it as clueless as his mama as to how to really get the milk flowing.  The first two weeks were a constant struggle and I just wanted to enjoy having this cute little baby and be able to look at something besides his ear as we switched from a Boppy to a MY BREAST FRIEND and struggled to perfect reverse cradle and football holds.  Could the benefit of breastfeeding really outweigh this misery my baby and I were suffering through together?  Several times the mister put down his foot.  "That's it, he said.  We had formula and we were fine.  This isn't worth it." But "what if?" I thought, "what if we could have been better, smarter if we had only been breastfed?  We don't know!"  I cried on the phone to my dad, a rarity these days, and he recalled the similar struggles my own mother had faced with me, as I hungrily wailed and fussed until they were finally able to fill my belly with formula.


Still, I persevered because I had known it would be like this and two weeks in I finally felt we were making progress.  Until we went to charlie's doctor appointment and found out he had gained, um, NO weight.  "He seems hungry," she observed.  So we started supplementing with evil formula, but I stubbornly refused to give up, even while the sharp pains persisted with each feeding, even as Charlie got better with one breast and not the other (not a good look, girls, not a good look, if you know what I mean.)   Even with some formula, I figured, the antibodies, he still needed these superhuman antibodies that only my body could produce.  The next week Charlie came down with a horrible cold and cough.  Babies that young aren't supposed to get colds and he was BREASTFED FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.  How could he be sick??


Yes, at some point it got easier, and I did feel like we made it over some sort of hump.  The pain went away and sure, it is a nice nurturing thing we can do together (if you like just being a pair of breasts to someone, which isn't for everyone, granted.)  I did start feeling kind of special. I had the goods, the one thing that could make Charlie happy.  Except when he wasn't eating, he seemed kind of discontent, borderline angry, and dare I say it, hungry, and I was still plagued by the new mom questions.  Is he getting enough to eat?  Is there something in my milk that is making his stomach hurt?  Does he really need to eat this often or should we try to space out feedings?


And now, since Charlie started daycare, feedings have been a struggle all over again.  At first, not being able to feed him gave me such a physical reaction, it felt like a part of me was missing.  I (literally) felt so detached and I wondered if Charlie felt the same (it definitely seemed like no, honestly).  It can't be right to feel that way. Is that all I am as a mother?  If I'm not feeding my baby from my breast, am I worth nothing?  I know logically this is not true, but I question the influences of the past year that have taken me to this emotional place.  And now we start to face the true challenges of keeping this up as the months progress.  They've been feeding Charlie way more per feeding at daycare than we would at home and there is now way I can match that supply in pumping (though I desperately try twice a day locked away in a conference room praying nobody interrupts.)  Has he been starving these past three months?  Who even knows?  Just this past weekend, Charlie has actually begun shunning the breast in favor of his precious bottles.


I know breastfeeding should be natural and it makes so much sense.  But I question if we've evolved to somewhere else because it did not come naturally to me or my baby or many, many other mothers i know.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that mothers breastfeed EXCLUSIVELY for the first year.  Do you know how hard that is?   Especially in a society that was mostly raised on formula, and frankly, isn't all that supportive to begin with.  And do you know how much it SUCKS  as a new mom to not be able to follow this basic guideline that has been implemented solely for the health of your child because your own body is so resistant to it?  I know everyone's experience hasn't been this way but I know a lot of other mothers for whom it has.  To me, it seems like some babies really take to breastfeeding and others just don't, biology be damned. My books tell me that I should keep going at all costs, for at least a year, that I should not schedule any trips and come home at lunch if I have to (are you KIDDING me?) and frankly, that hurts.  I am not in a position to be a stay at home mom and while I know some people are able to make it work, sometimes it's just not possible and I wish I didn't have to feel horrible about that.


So as a belated mother's day gift to myself, I'm going to stop feeling horrible about it, or at least try.  Everyone knows stress decreases your milk production anyway, so really what is the point?  I'm not ready to give up yet, but I'm starting to realized that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and I'll just have to start skipping over those breastfeeding chapters in my books and start figuring it out on my own.


xo,
C


PS Just had a thought.  Maybe if I had been breastfed, I in turn, would be better at breastfeeding and/or better equipped to deal with the emotional challenges of breastfeeding.  Something to ponder, cuties. ;)

Weekend Wanderings

fro yo stop 5 minutes after brunch.  Why not?

this kid sure does love his daddy

hanging with aunt lyss

Charlie's favorite wide-eyed esxpression

these kids were all up in the mister's face at dinner.  luckily we were all cool with it because, ya know, we have kids too.

Sleepyheads!  When baby falls asleep on mommy's legs, what else can mommy do but watch TV?

Hi Cuties,
We had a lovely weekend hanging around the hood, doing our usual thing, brunch, the park, etc, but I am TIRED. Charlie has given up sleeping the past few nights and now we are back to the beginning with sleep training. Combine this new development with my return to work and I am really starting to feel exhausted.  This has led me to one obvious conclusion... it's time to start drinking coffee. I am not a coffee drinker for whatever reason. My parents weren't that into coffee (Folgers, seriously) and I just never really took to it.  At some point, it seemed like it might be a thing to start doing, but I hate to embark on a new addiction as an adult, plus I was always running late in the mornings so there really wasn't time to nurture a coffee addiction in the way it truly deserved.  If I did have a bit of coffee, I was wired (like pale and shaking kind of wired.)  But, guys, I need something.  On Saturday morning, I was really dragging and I asked the mister to bring me an iced coffee.  After just a few sips, I felt GREAT, like I could take on the world.  And now I'm thinking, maybe coffee is the secret to my success as supermom?  Let's hope.
xo,
C