Having kind of a rough week over here. Charlie started daycare this week which has been a tough (for me) but necessary transition because I had to have surgery on my nose on Tuesday. You may recall that I had a lot of issues with my nose and nosebleeds during my pregnancy. I was diagnosed with something called a pyogenic granuloma, which is basically a benign mass that can grow in the nose or mouth during pregnancy and is prone to bleeding a lot. While it is associated with pregnancy, it is pretty uncommon, so there isn't a ton of anecdotal information out there which is why I am sharing my experience here. It is somewhat alarming to look up a pregnancy medical condition and find nothing online but medical case studies. It is a blessing and a curse that usually when you look something up online during pregnancy you'll find message boards of sympathizers, all part of the "pregnancy community." It is sometimes overwhelming, sometimes comforting and sometimes just annoying (if you are someone who gets easily annoyed by other people, ahem,) but at the end of the day it is nice to feel like you are not the only one dealing with some of the more challenging aspects of pregnancy. Anyway, sometimes these granulomas recess after pregnancy hormones go away but mine hasn't so I had to have it surgically removed. I had to wait until we were very established with breastfeeding since I would be put under with anesthesia, which would prevent me from feeding Charlie for a few days. This of course put me right up against my return from maternity leave and suffice to say this is not how I wanted to spend my last week.
You know when Alexis from RHOC went in for her nose surgery in her Juicy sweatsuit and she was a huge drama queen about it, like crying onto Jim's shoulder and worrying that she wouldn't come out of the anesthesia, and all you viewers at home thought "god, she is such an asshole?" That was kind of me. I just got so nervous for this surgery, it's been hanging over my head for months. And it honestly was kind of scary. For some reason I thought they would administer the anesthesia before going into the operating room but no, they just walk you into the operating room, strap you onto the table and then knock you out, with all the doctors and nurse standing over you! Picture me weeping to the nurse "tell my baby I love himmmm" and you'll begin to get the gist of how I was feeling. I didn't cry though, only on the inside, you'll be pleased to know. Such a brave girl!
Everything went fine but the recovery hasn't gone as smoothly as I'd hoped and I've been more or less out of commission since the surgery. So much for my "lose the rest of the baby weight" boot camp I had planned for this week. And so much for spending quality time with the baby. I'm pretty much just sitting quietly over here with my nose packed hoping that there is no more bleeding. The worst part by far is not being able to feed Charlie. Now I know that I have bitched and moaned my fair share about the trials and tribulations of nursing (and I'm not done either) but it sucks not being able to feed him especially when he is at daycare all day. I can't even really pick him up or smile at him even for fear of nosebleeds and I feel so helpless and useless. At first, he seemed so confused and upset and it was KILLING me but now I'm worried that he is already over it and won't even want to nurse anymore when I am finally allowed to feed him today.
Hoping to get back to normal soon so we can start to get used to our new routine. And so I can enjoy Mother's Day which I am not even going to pretend that I'm not really, really, ridiculously excited about (a new holiday all about me, yippee)!
xo,
C
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